Tuesday, June 15, 2010

XTINA is too Bionic for my taste

Three days ago Alexa came back to Nigeria bearing gifts and one of them and one of them was the new Christina Aguilera Album Bionic. I have already been hearing things that the album was rubbish and she took a risk that probably wasn't gonna pay off all this courtesy of Perez Hilton who needs to get off Lady Gaga's Disco Stick and listen to other music. According to Hits Daily Double the album has sold a poor 111,838 units which is the lowest in her career. Neon reviews has this to say about the album "

On “I Am,” the stunning Sia-penned, string-heavy gem buried deep in the middle of Christina Aguilera’s new album, the golden-voiced singer revels in the joys of being loved for who she is.

But who is she exactly? On the bulk of the songs on Bionic, Aguilera’s fourth studio album, arriving four years after her last set, 2006’s Back To Basics, Xtina seems to be playing one huge game of musical make believe, making it hard to know when the real Xtina stands up.

Led by the artificially bold first single, “Not Myself Tonight,” penned by Ester Dean and produced by Polow Da Don, Bionic is a cold and calculated attempt by Aguilera to stay relevant in an era where big voices such as hers are treated as baggage scaled back to avoid fees and slick electronic beats are treated as first class passengers.

The first half the album is packed with caffine-drunk, characterless up-tempos that miss more than they hit; special ‘miss’ shout out to the ridiculous “Glam” which blatantly rips its essence from Madonna’s “Vogue,” while ‘hit’ honors go to the deliciously bouncy “Elastic Love.”

It isn’t until the middle of the set that the robotic shell is stripped away with a section of immaculate slow jams and ballads — the ode to morning nookie “Sex For Breakfast,” the inspirational, Linda Perry-written “Lift Me Up,” the new mommy’s dedication to her son “All I Need,” “I Am,” and the smoky “You Lost Me” (the last three are all courtesy of Sia) — that fans and critics alike are allowed to fully experience the reason why every Christina Aguilera album will always be worth at least one listen: that voice. It’s when that audible perfection escapes from her throat that Bionic feels worth the wait, that it feels like we’re finally seeing who Xtina is.

Sadly, Bionic reverts back to the brash earache it started as for the final three songs. Most notable is the potty-mouthed ego-stroke “Vanity” which opens with the line “I’m not cocky, I just love myself, b*tch.” Eek.

“I’m asking you to take me just the way that I am,” reads more lyrics from “I Am.” If that’s the shallow, vamped-up cyborg she presents on Bionic, no thank you"

My own view is that the album is a mix match of confusion, talent and desperation. Truly nowadays big voices don't rake in the bucks any more so in her quest to stay relevant she defecates on her talent and curses for the first half of the album. The latter part of the album shows her true talent. You Lost Me is a Christina true song any day she should stick to her ballads because the song was probably almost as good as Beautiful, then you here Vanity which is currently plying on my Itunes and you think what is going on here why does she keep repeating the word bitch as if it's meant to give you an orgasm and then to top it all off she ends the song with Who owns the throne and then someone maybe her son says you do mommy, WHY!!!!!!!! she needs to get her shit together and sack the ape shits that suggested this direction for her.

We still love her though that's why I have my three puppets Timi, Alexa and Natasha dancing WOO HOO in the background.

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